Christmas, you sparkle.

From a distance you are enticing,

with your visions of lit-up trees

in snow covered woods.

Carol of bells playing over and over,

your season saturates the night.

Evenings become sad and mysterious

with their mix of childhood reminiscence

and disappointment.

Silver tinsel bells hung in doorways,

1960's party dresses,

black and white santas on video.

Cool morning light

and unwrapped presents

lined up under unlit trees on boxing day,

the silence of sipping coffee in a rocking chair.

You are Christmas.

You, who are silent with me,

and celebrating another year

of togetherness, and of separation.

All feasting and candles

and allusions of fireplaces on crispy walks,

you sparkle and crackle in my heart.

odd.

it's odd to be here

(in the in-between)

where the rush of stepping off

the cliff has passed

and the light of future falters

just an inch away

but i find that in this oddness

there is still dancing

there is still moonlight

and there is still celebrated colour

rabbit with a lame foot.

white in my back alley,

you run scatterbrained across my headlights.

scatterbrained with your red eyes and your lame foot.

i feel you eating at my heart and

i

can't

help

but

call out at the site of you.

all your cuteness and wildness captured

as you blend into the snow bank.

i want to carry you up in my arms

but your feral fright would keep me from you.

skin & summer.

in drifts of white

softening the crunch of tires

muffling the fall of mittens

that get lost,

in crisps of ice

hardening the rays of sun

melting only in short breaths

caught in speech,

in frosts of night

creaking across frigid floors

relief found in retreat back

under covers,

conjure summer -

light clothes whispering over warm skin

canvas runners

driving barefoot

the sweetness of honeycomb filling

the senses

prairies endless in their green golden glory and skies

and breathe in this country,

this life,

this constant remembering and looking forward

this fullness.

these feelings are all colours-

shining feelings,

bright new feelings

- this time it takes more out of you

- this time it takes more from you

roadside feelings,

bedside feelings

- this time there is a cloud on you

- this time a veil is over you

mask

me

for one moment, please

ask

me

to let go of these

hard feelings

these hard feelings are the

life in me

the pull in me

whimsy.

caught between scentless

and difficult. period.

add another small dash of

"can't" and find that you seep through,

anyway

you are your own signpost

golden.

legends of blue

are sweeping through this night

close your eyes and

let these sleep thoughts

carry you

yet another

piece of your aqua sea

golden in time

frozen while your

body thaws

yes.

in the clearing

in the morning

is where i find myself

never you mind,

she says, her hands dusted with flour

and tanned from the sun

never you mind where you came from,

'cause today is the only thing that you know

and you're in it

and that is all.

too grave thoughts

when too grave thoughts

fill me

let a laughing moment

be my breathing

let a warm-ish winter

wind blow through me

when too grave thoughts

are under me

let the crush of autumn

fetch a memory

let the idle noise of

night bring "still" to me

try

in the grey

of sunday afternoon

you do not try

i observe from within my

dawdling dowdy fall clothes

i need a proper coat

i'm stuck in myself again

and you do not see me

i could let you

but don't have the energy

i crawl

life is crawling sometimes

crawl to your next

fork in the road

pausing, your yellow feathers

or tentacles

or whatever

feeling the breeze

sniffing for clues

north wind blows

too much scent away,

away from this moment

and from where you came from

leaving you blank,

and odourless

hamburger stew

it tastes like how

mom used to make it

keith green record blaring

dark out already

6 pm

waiting by the window

and the fern

in my prized

yellow & blue

rutland voodoos

hand-me-down

t-shirt

trying too hard either way

i'll be

your colour for today

let me wash over you

hide you in translucence

carry you like i'm the water

you're the raft

i'll be

a rat in your river

a rowboat 'round the bend

crash into my weather

wear words for protection

from my wind

way underneath

disappear

under layers of clothing

layers of make-up

and hair dye

and trinkets

trinkets

i tie

around my wrists and

neck and fingers

and ankles.

deep down

way underneath

sit in the shelter

of my

woman-made cocoon.

rhetorical Q.

i was a scent-hound

in my past life,

alert to clues

carried by the wind

i was a gypsy once -

crystal ball,

colourful scarf,

creating illusions

where did i really

come from.

who am i.

l&b

strong links have

kept me here

a clasp is on my leg

my body floats

above

while one part still remains

i wanna loose the grip

but i can't find the key

i'll float here for a while

grounded only by

life and breathing

3.

is there still time?

how do i account

for these unwritten

passages

marking my existence

maybe there is no

room left for

accounting

all this figuring and

frugalness

has left me numb

on ice, thaw me

2.

something

opened

clicked

and poured

the me in me awakened

tossing with rambling

pieces of pictures

this sleepless inspiration

muse